How I Fell In Love With Shino Aburame
by DreamXEscape
Summary: I'd do ANYTHING to bring them back to me… To go back to THAT day and change it all... But...I would have never met HIM... It's funny...how the worst things in life always bring us the greatest blessings. Believe it or not, to me, Shino Aburame was a blessing in the oddest and simplest of ways. (Rated T for now but might be changed later. It depends on how the story goes. SHINOxOC)
1. Beginnings of Endings

AUTHOR'S NOTE: **UPDATED (4-6-2014)**

Hey guys! DXE here! So here's the first real chapter of "How I Fell In Love With Shino Aburame" Hope you like it!

Do I even need to bother with a disclaimer?

…Eh, too lazy to care.

NOTE:

- The bolded italics are like diary entries, those will probably just be at the beginnings or endings of a chapter. They're used mostly to set the mood and keep the romance aspect of the story while more violent chapters are being told. These will be signed by "K.M." (Kira Minami)

- Flashbacks will be plain italics and I'll try to place some extra space or something at the beginnings and endings. Maybe even be blunt and say FLASHBACK. I don't think I'll be using flashbacks very much, though, because this IS a narrative story and there isn't much point in doing a flashback when I could just narrate it in. But, who knows, I might need to use it?

- Everything else will be in normal font.

I hope you enjoy! Feel free to make any comments, good or bad. You can leave your comments in a review or you can PM me, I don't care. It's up to you. I'm not trying to be bossy and say you have to review or message me, but like all the other writers on this site, I do enjoy hearing how my readers feel about the story. Your comments help me make the story better and help me mold it right… And comments might also make me update quicker *hint hint*.

Enjoy! If not, tell me!

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_**My mom always used to tell me stories about princesses who would fall in love with noble ninja and ordinary civilian girls that would always catch the eye of attractive lords and princes… And like every other little girl, I loved them and dreamed them and hoped and prayed that I would be like the girls in the stories…**_

_**But that never happened.**_

_**And just like every little girl I had to face reality at some point in time. I had to realize that love wasn't a fairy tale and it certainly wasn't a dream.**_

_**Love is a bond. A trust. **_

_**A battle.**_

_**Love isn't a guy who knows how to make you laugh, or a sweet talker that knows how to make you swoon. And love certainly isn't a charming smile and smooth touch to set your cheeks on fire.**_

_**Love is companionship with no limitations or excuses. Love is black and white. You're either in it 100% or you're not. **_

_**Love is fickle like that, I guess.**_

_**-K.M.**_

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"Come on, Kira! We have to go!"

The world crashed back down on me as my brother's annoying voice penetrated my daydreams. I chose to ignore him and continued to dream behind my eyelids, drawing up imaginary scenarios that I could twist and bend to my will. The cool grass was soft against my back and sent a gentle rise across my skin. The sun was hot against my face but the wind breezed across me like-

"Did you hear me? I said we have to go!" The voice was thunderously close to my ear this time and I refrained myself from punching him in the head.

I let out a stiff sigh. "Yes, I heard you. Now, get out of my face." I waved him away, not even bothering to open my eyes. I knew it would only piss him off even more, much to my satisfaction.

"Don't act like you're all high and mighty! Mom said we have to go to town to pick up some stuff from Hinji's store." I didn't even have to open my eyes to know that he probably had his fists on his hips. He was probably glaring at me with those annoying sharp green eyes of his, a trait I blamed entirely on our mother.

I groaned and finally sat up, leering at him, "What are you too much of a wimp to go by yourself? Need your big sister to babysit you?"

That one caught him off guard and his jaw dropped momentarily before he snapped it back up, clacking his teeth together. "Wha?! Listen here you little…" He caught himself before lashing out a blue streak. "Whatever, the point is mom wants BOTH OF US to go to the store. You know how she is… She's getting more and more grouchy lately, she'd do anything to get us out of her hair."

Letting out a snort, I shot back. "Yeah, I'm surprised she hasn't hacked us off by now." We both laughed at that one. Kinta grinned at me before starting to walk off, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders hunched.

I smirked at the back of his grey shirt before jogging to catch up, "BUT she kinda has the right to be grumpy."

"Yeah, considering that the baby's almost here… Her hormones are a tidbit crazy." He laced his fingers behind his head and we walked around to the front of the house, where Mama sat, holding her precious belly with worn and gentle hands.

I leaned close and whispered in his ear. "A tidbit? I'm waiting for a second head to sprout from her neck and start breathing fire."

Kinta started cracking up at the image, belting out a whirlwind of snorts and giggles. Mama heard and her head snapped in our direction. Her sharp green eyes cut toward us before softening like spring leaves. "What are you two prattling on about?"

We glanced at each other, a wry grin making its way to the surface, "_Nothing_…"

A thin brown eyebrow arched up in suspicion. "Nothing, my ass. And didn't I tell you to go to town for me? TWO HOURS AGO?" She braced herself against her knee and wobbled to stand. Her emerald orbs turned sharp again and she crossed her arms on top her swelling belly. "Well? Don't just look at me, go, or I'll let you starve tonight."

She stuffed a list in my hand. I clutched it and stuck my tongue out at her while Kinta grabbed me by the arm and hauled me away. In a fit of giggles and I-told-you-so's we raced down our old dirt road, leaving Mama's curses and threats behind.

"Tell Hinji to put it on our tab!" Her voice echoed off the trees and bounced at us.

I spun on my bare heel and cupped my hands around my mouth. "Okay! Don't let the baby come out yet! I wanna be there when it happens!"

She only laughed that tinkling laugh of hers. "I'll try my best, but I'm not making any promises! BE CAREFUL!"

"Come on, stupid, I want to play marbles with Yoshi." He walked on without me, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders slumped.

"Oh really? So that's why you want to go to town so bad." I jogged to catch back up and elbowed him in the ribs. "You know, I always used to wonder how you lost all your marbles, but I guess now I realized that you just lost them all to Yoshi."

I laughed at my own joke, but Kinta just cussed a blue streak at me, socking me on the arm in the process. "Shut up, you lousy bitch! I haven't lost shit to Yoshi!" He grunted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh? So then, tell me what happened to that set of Reds that Papa got you from the Leaf? Huh?" My question was answered with a grumbling silence. "I thought so." We walked in silence the rest of the way there, our minds wandering in opposite directions. My mind was with the clouds, while my brother's was planted firmly in the ground as his eyes darted to every tree and rock, every rut carved into the road by wooden carts.

Only when the voices of the townspeople and sound of hooves on dirt begin, did my eyes ever drift from the sky. That town, filled with such simple people with simple lives… fascinated me. It wasn't really anything special, just a little blob of tan buildings and thatch houses in the middle of a world of green... It wasn't anything fancy, our roads were dirt, NOT pavement or gravel, and our gates were simply thin tree limbs coiled together... Simple, but in the best kind of way.

"Hey, Kira!" As my bare feet walked through the thin, wooden gate, that voice crossed my ears.

My eyes flashed toward a familiar bob of red hair. Mai Kuso. Best friend and secret keeper...

I resisted a smirk and raised a hand in a simple hello. "Hey." She stopped by my side.

"What are you guys doing in town? Shouldn't you be looking after Ren-san?" Her plain blue yukata was baggy on her as she braced her knuckles on her bony hips. It was probably one of her older sister's that got passed down to her. The downfall of being a younger sibling, I guess.

"Nah," Kinta scratched at his messy brown mop. "She keeps sending us on "errands". It's ridiculous, this is the fourth time we've had to come to town this week, all because she wants to be alone."

Mai laughed, like the sweet little girls in the movies, all giggle and girlish. "Can you blame her?" I joined in on her laughter 'til we were both red in the face and clutching our stomachs. Kinta blushed at her teasing and marched off, cursing and clenching his fists all the way.

"Come on, Ma gave me a list. Kinta's probably gone off to play marbles or something, so we can go to Hinji's to get the groceries and maybe we can con him into giving us some candies." Her honey-brown eyes lit up like fireworks.

"Yeah, maybe." We locked hands and went on our way, down the crowded streets filled with the hustle and bustle of life.

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"Hey, hon. Whatcha doin' back here today? Was that bag a rice bad again? I told that good fer nottin' ass to stop tryin' to mix the bad rice with good n's… I swear I'm gonna wallop 'im if he keeps it up." Hinji's wife was a scary woman. With her splotchy red face and wide hips, she reminded me of a cursing, human tomato more than anything. I swear to this day I've never met another human being cuss and yell nearly as much as she did.

"No, Ma wanted us to come and pick her up a few more things." I stood on my tippytoes to reach over the counter to hand her Mama's list.

She glanced over it with her beady, slanted, black eyes. "More rice?" She clucked her tongue, "Dear lord, surely you three ain't ate nearly that much rice, but who am I t'complain?" She stuffed the list in her breast pocket and bustled into the back room. "You got any word back from yer daddy?"

I pressed my nose against the show glass and peered in to stare at Mrs. Hinji's newest fabrics. Every month the storekeeper's wife would send for fine silks and soft, vibrant cottons to sell for sewing. "Yeah, he's been sending us money for Mama to pay the bills. He took a picture of the Hokage Mountain in Kohona. Mama's got it framed up in the living room… Have you ever seen it?"

"Nah, never felt the need to go to such ritzy place like that. How's yer daddy? Did he say?" All that could be seen of the woman was her gi-enormous rump poked out of the doorway while she hunted through shelves and crates for what we needed. The storeroom was precautionary, or at least that's what Mama said. With the war getting nearer and nearer, the raids were getting closer and closer to our little village. The village leader made it an order for every citizen to take extra precautions over everything; food, valuables, clothes, livestock, and especially life itself. Storerooms were expected to have locks and hidden compartments. Households were expected to have designated hiding spots somewhere on or off the property. Livestock was expected to be put away and locked inside shacks or barns after 7pm every night...

My Papa was away at that time… preparing for some ruthless war up north. None of us wanted him to go, but it was required by all five Kages that every shinobi be sent into battle. Our town was small, the only soldiers we had were my Papa and a few other men that moved here to retire from other, bigger, villages. My Papa used to be a soldier for Kohona…but when he met my Mama he gave up all the fighting to raise a family, to raise us…

"He's okay, he says he's nervous about the war. He's worried that he won't be strong enough to help." I huffed. "It's not fair…" I laid my chin on the cool glass and pouted. No, it wasn't fair at all…

"I know, hon, but he's doing a good thing fer his country and fer you. Cause he's up there in that war, he's doin what he can to protect you and Kinta and yer Ma. He's doin his best to keep that war away from yer bunch and all of us." Her hard eyes softened like little coals and she handed me a small box. "You should be proud that he's willing to fight for you."

I felt a small smile wriggle its way to my lips. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll see you around. Tell Hinji I'm sorry that I missed him."

She shooed me off with her hand. "Don't you worry 'bout that. I'll tell him how yer daddy's doin. Knowin' those two, yer daddy's probably already sent a letter to him. There are days I honestly think that rat bastard loves yer poor Pa more than he does me."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one and teased, "Nonsense, how could he not love someone as kind and compassionate as you?"

She belted out a deep, boob-shaking laugh. "Oh, I see how it is now. Rotten brat… I'll put those on yer tab, alright?"

I grinned at her, box under arm, and waved as I went out the door. "Thanks!"

The doorbell rung and she hollered after me. "Tell yer Mama if she needs help with tha baby to tell me."

"'Kay! See you later!"

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_**It's such a shame that that's the last normal memory I have, of walking out of that store…Part of me wishes I could go back and change that day but there's another part of me that's grateful for it. I wouldn't be here, telling you this story, if that day hadn't of happened. **_

_**…I guess I just wish that I could have enjoyed that last moment a little more. I wish I could have remembered their smiles a little more and remembered their laughs better…I wish I could have been more prepared for what was to come…**_

_**I know better now... I know better than to take moments like that for granted. **_

_**The only question I really have now is: Was it worth it? **_

_**Was the loss worth the lesson?**_

_**...**_

_**The only thing I know for sure is that...**_

_**...**_

_**THEY DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE LIKE THAT.  
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_**-K.M.**_

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God, have mercy, I'm getting teary eyed… I wanted to write more onto the chapter but I needed to update and I knew if I continued this chapter the way it was supposed to go it would end up being like 10,000 words.

Aint nobody got time for that.

Especially me. It would've taken me weeks upon weeks to get all that done and edited so I found this nice spot to stop at.

Tell me what you think! And if you find any grammar mistakes, I'm sorry. I tried my best to get them all, but everybody makes mistakes. Also, if you find any passages that sound weird or read awkward, tell me and I'll fix 'em.

I hope you enjoyed! If you didn't, please, tell me.

-DXE

ALSO, I've been thinking about maybe trying to get a beta reader? Is that a good idea or a bad one?


	2. Losing

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hello, small fan base! Sorry for the long wait but I DO have a life outside of fan fiction (just a little). But I'm glad to present this new chapter for you. I hope you like it, if not, well…you know the drill. Even if you're going to flame, flame away. Your opinion matters to me, no matter how cruel or heartbreaking.

I'm still not totally confident with this chapter. I still feel that something is either missing or off, so if you find anything PLEASE tell me so I can fix it.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously this is FAN fiction, so naturally I don't own anything besides my original characters. If you so technical as to wanting a better understanding what I mean by original characters, just pick out all the ones that you've never heard of in the show and guess what? They're mine.

WARNING: This chapter is REALLY graphic, so if you can't handle gory things don't read it. Also, if you don't take graphic death scenes very well, please avoid the ending of the chapter. Don't worry, skipping this one won't completely throw you off, the next chapter should give you a basic idea of what happened.

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_**My mother once told me that all problems we face in life are just tests; tests of our strength, our loyalty, or love.**_

_**Our sacrifice.**_

_**She never told me who was testing us, then again maybe everything was testing us from the bill collectors to our nosy neighbors. **_

_**Maybe the world was testing us. Maybe it was trying to see whether we deserved to live in it or not.**_

_**Then again, maybe the world was just being cruel, sadistic bastard.**_

_**Maybe the world wanted revenge on us lousy humans who keep ripping it apart?**_

**_I don't think I'll ever really know, but I DO know that I hate tests. I can never seem to quite pass them, I'm always passing and failing at the same time..._**

**_Is that possible though? To win AND lose all at once?  
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**_It has to be..._**

**_It keeps happening._**

_**-K.M.**_

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Someone a few blocks away screamed, sharp and shrill, but I paid no mind and neither did Mai. People whooped and hollered all the time so there wasn't much point in making a fuss over it. We just continued chattering and giggling down the muddy street, heading toward the poorer edge of town where Kinta was surely at, popping marbles around with Yoshi and his midget gang.

"I can't believe Ren-san is going to have a baby… This is so exciting!" She squealed a little and wriggled her scrawny rump in delight. I bit back a laugh and shook my head at my friend's ridiculous actions. I laced my fingers together behind my back and nudged my friend, letting her nudge me back playfully.

"It's not like it's her first baby. What I can't believe is that Papa's going to miss it." I kicked up a nearby rock a little too hard and sent it soaring down the street. It lodged itself into a pocket of mud and disappeared into its depths with a pop… Papa wasn't supposed to leave, he was **retired**…they shouldn't have forced him to fight if he had a family to take care of…

I **hated** the Hokage.

"Yeah, but I'm sure he'll be back in time." She forced a grin onto her lips and clasped her hands together over her chest. She didn't sound too sure to me, but it was a nice try.

I flashed her a smile anyway and slung my arm around her tiny neck. "I hope so… Naomi-chan is supposed to come in a week and stay. Since Papa's gone, Mama needs someone to help her deliver. I'm supposed to help, but Mama never wants me or Kinta around…" My little, fake smile drooped. "This stupid war better end soon... But he's lucky anyway, you know? HE doesn't have to deal with Mama and her ridiculous pregnancy symptoms." Allowing a wry grin to wiggle it's way onto my face, I added, "You know, she got me up at three in the morning the other night, JUST so I could go to the midnight market to get her damned ama-natto(1)?"

She giggled her girlish laugh at the thought of me trudging to the store in my night clothes. "My oba-chan came to spend a week with us once when she was pregnant." She let out a small groan at the memory, "She craved sushi a lot… She would always tell me that a woman's best feature was her ability to raise good children."

I snorted at such a ridiculous thing and rolled my eyes. "I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to eat sushi?" It continued on like that, with us bouncing our senseless prattle back and forth, dodging the mass of bodies and carts that rumbled past us… It was easy like that… Simple. I loved that simplicity with all my heart.

Another scream ripped the air and our heads snapped to attention this time. Other people jerked to attention and started moving much quicker, either away from the noise or toward it. There was something different about that scream, something WRONG.

My brother's face was the only one that flashed across my mind and with that thought, I was gone. My feet moved on their own and flung me down the street, ramming people out of my way without so much as a glance in recognition. My heart pounded to a foreign rhythm while I prayed to whatever gods could hear me, for it not to be him.

It couldn't be Kinta… it was too unlikely… but, in the deepest abyss of my soul, I **knew**.

"Kira, where are you going?" Mai yelled after me, struggling against the masses that ran in the opposite direction as me. I wanted to yell back to her, to tell her not to worry, but I couldn't find enough space in my brain to care. The only thing I could concentrate on was the wet smack of my bare feet against mud and my heart pounding in my throat. It wasn't going to be him, IT COULDN'T BE HIM.

The screams were getting louder and they multiplied with each passing second. People were running against me now, away from some unseen threat. I didn't care. I couldn't care. The only thing I could care about was making sure that my baby brother was okay. I skidded around a corner, feeling my heart plummet to the bottom of my stomach, and-

It was him.

…**It was him…**

And he wasn't alone. Hovered above him was a gnarly looking bald man with far too many scars and too little teeth. A few other raiders crowded around them, watching the show with a sick amusement. They spit chewing tobacco onto the street and grinned their browning teeth. The leader was cloaked in grey and he leered down at my brother, who glared back up with that arrogant grin of his. His little fists were balled up by his sides and his mouth was moving, fast. Everything was mute around me, but I knew Kinta was cussing, threatening, and-

In one swish of light on metal, the muddy street was stained red…And then, he was gone.

I couldn't breath.

My throat constricted and my gut suddenly felt like it were filled with cement…I couldn't breath.

I COULDN'T BREATH.

And the man looked at me, HE LOOKED AT ME.

My blood froze, I froze and I couldn't move even if I wanted to. His eyes locked onto me and kept me in my place, paralyzed me with their hate, with their love of death. Those black eyes… they pierced me and shattered me to pieces.

"Well, well… Look what we got here, boys!" His voice was too loud and it hurt my ears. He smirked and threw his head over his shoulder to grin at his crew, a bunch of other grungy men with hair thick with sweat and oil. Their faces were dark with dirt and their clothes were torn and stained. His beady eyes zoned back onto me. They were the darkest color before death… An emptiness laid within them and chilled me to the core.

I let my eyes flicker to Kinta's still form and I felt a breath get caught in my throat. Those once sharp, green eyes stared at me lifelessly, pleading for help even in death.

He was gone…and it was my fault.

The touch of a hand ripped my eyes from my fallen brother and onto a filthy arm, coated with brown splatter… Blood… Even though I refused to think it at that time, I knew it was probably Kinta's…

"What? Did 'ya know the brat? Was he yer little boyfriend?" He mocked and his rancid breath showered across my face, but I kept my eyes fixed on his sleeve, following the random pattern of brown on grey. His words made my stomach churn with a hate I had never felt before… It coiled tighter and tighter with each breath that passed over his lips. "Did 'ya let him fuck ya?" A sick laughter rolled off his lips as his breath tickled against my forehead.

The coil snapped inside of me and I clamped down on his forearm with my teeth. I could feel the taste of blood and sweat and skin mix into my mouth, but that only made me bite down harder until I felt fresh blood trickled down my throat. He hollered above me and I felt the sick smack of his hand across my cheek.

My body was flung to the side with the force and I was slammed into the mud. I spit out the blood and sweat and skin and scrambled to my feet. The nasty man's lips were twisted in a snarl as he held his bloody arm. His crew laughed at the scene before them, enjoying their comrade's pain.

People had long since left the area, in fear of the raiders. The only people left were the nasty men, my brother's corpse that now seemed so small and frail…, and me. The raiders all locked their eyes on me, some filled with amusement, others with annoyance, and a rare few with…pity. I never knew demons could feel empathy.

"Ya little bitch!" He growled and approached me with heavy, sloshing feet, and sheer hate. He wretched me up by the front of my shirt and pulled me close to his face.

Before he could snarl another word, I hocked and spat right in his eye. His hands flew to his face by instinct and the second my feet hit the mud, I bolted. Cold mud slid deeper and deeper between my toes with each pounding footstep. I could hear them take chase behind me, growling and hollering like wild animals.

A knot of panic started to crawl up my throat, but I didn't want to cry… I couldn't cry… Not now, not here, not over THEM. I had to get home. I had to warm Mama… Papa told me to take care of her.

He made me promise and I never broke my promises.

"Come 'ere!" A burly hand collided with the back of my neck and we went tumbling. I skidded face first into the clumpy dirt. My whole torso was caked in the dark muck, but I only scuttled back to my feet and kept running. It was all I could do… I couldn't protect Kinta. I couldn't protect the village, but I could run and I would run as far and as fast I could. I'd run to the ends of the earth if I had to… if it meant saving her.

I HAD TO PROTECT MAMA.

My legs were heavy with ache and with each pounding step I could feel my muscles protest. My burning lungs made my throat tighten against the lump lodged in my esophagus. Please, just a little further…

I spared a glance behind me and instantly regretted it. A huge mass tackled me into the ground. Primal instincts took over and I clawed and smacked and kicked with as much strength as I could muster in my panic. My nails scrapped against skin and cloth until two firm hands shoved mine to either side of my head.

"Kira, stop!" I froze at the voice and opened my eyes to meet two blue ones.

"Yoshi?" His eyes darkened before he jerked me up to feet and shoved me through a small alley between two buildings. I could feel the world seem to start shaking and I wondered if maybe, just maybe, it was him. I had never known Yoshi to be scared, but now I realize that it was me who was shaking, falling apart at my seams.

He weaved us through the small maze of alleys that connected the center of the town together. The rough wood and hardened mud scratched my arms and hands, but Yoshi only dragged me on. Only kids really used the spaces, since they were too small for anyone else. Since he was my brother's gang leader, he knew every pathway and hiding spot within a five mile radius. All the boys in the village looked up to him, praised him for his strange talent for stealing and pranking. He was the oldest of the group, almost my age, so it was natural for all the younger boys to admire him.

Personally, I thought he was an idiot…but at that moment, in that second… he was my hero.

"Where's Kinta?" He eyed me over his should and I could hear a genuine worry in the misfit's voice. The sound of it made my heart wither into a pile of black dust. Kinta was like a little brother to Yoshi… They went everywhere together, did everything together. They were partners in crime… Yoshi was closer to Kinta than I ever would be.

Could've been.

"I don't know. I couldn't find him." The lie came out far too easily and I wanted to kick myself for it, but I felt that it had to be done. I didn't want to have this conversation, NOT with him, so I ripped my arm from his grasp before we could make our escape into the woods that wrapped around our dying town. "We can't keep running around, they'll find us."

He was curt and narrowed his sapphire orbs at me, "I know, I'm not stupid, that's why we're going to the safe house." I felt like arguing with him, to do something to release this tension that welled up inside my gut, but I found myself without the spirit.

"I have to go find Mama," I avoided his eyes with all my power, worried that he would see the fear in them. I wasn't supposed to be afraid, it wasn't in my nature. "and I need you to do me a favor, okay?"

I heard him mumble under his breath, "Damn it…" before adding a quick, "Depends on what it is."

"I need you to find Mai for me. I lost her and…" I couldn't even communicate how absolutely guilty I felt for leaving her behind… If I'd known… "Please?"

"What's in it for me?"

The nerve of him! I restrained myself from turning around and screaming at his selfishness, but it would do no good. I chose, instead, to smack him square on the cheek. He was appalled and fought back the urge to hit me back. I glared into his sapphire orbs with all the determination and meanness that I could muster. "Find Mai, if you don't I'll hunt you down and kill you myself."

I didn't know if I could trust Yoshi, but at that moment he was all I had. I would never admit it aloud, but Mama meant so much more to me that Mai did. Shaking off such wretchedly true thoughts, I raced down the street, blazing past limp bodies and doing everything in my power to ignore the splatter of blood that oozed from them and dripped down the walls. I had to get to Mama…before they did.

Houses and buildings that I grew up with were suddenly strangers as I passed. The town I had called home was now my worst nightmare. In that heated panic and flight, I had the revelation that the more you care about something, the more it could hurt you. I was half-way tempted just to keep running and leave EVERYTHING behind, even Mama.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't that brave.

I clambered up our old dirt road, suddenly hating the cart-made ruts that lined it and the way each groove tripped me up and twisted my footing. _Just let them be okay_, was the only thing I could think as I changed through the door of our ratty home.

"Mama?" I called and raced through the sitting room and through our rooms, checking everywhere I came to until-

"Kira?" Her voice was twisted and tired and I bolted into the kitchen. Mama was lying on the floor, drenched in sweat. One hand propped her up while the other rested on her bulging stomach. Her face twisted up in agony and she let out a pained whimper. "Go get Naomi," she forced out through labored breaths, "and tell her that the baby is coming."

"No, no, no!" I chanted the word over and over as if it would stop everything and just freeze time, just long enough for me to have a mental breakdown. "Not now, Mama! We have to get you out of here!" I dropped down onto my knees and grabbed her arms. She fought against my grip when I tried to pull her up and started to protest and snap out another order, but I let out a choked, "Raiders!", and she shut up instantly.

It took all of my strength to help her to a stand and we wobbled through the back door. We didn't bother getting anything, because the most important thing in that moment was tied between finding a place to hide and birthing that damned baby. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get her to the safe house in time.

"Kira," Mama moaned out in pain and with that sound I knew she couldn't go any further. The baby WAS COMING whether we wanted it to or not.

"Don't worry, Mama, just stay right here. I'll be right back." I dashed back inside and grabbed a blanket off my bed. Headed toward the kitchen, I started to get a bucket of water, but a racket down the road grabbed my attention instead. I wretched the small kitchen window open and saw the burly silhouettes edging closer and closer. Shouts and screams and curses punctured the air and fear froze me.

Raiders.

I left everything as it was and ran back outside. I found Mama with her face purpling in pain and panic. She dug her nails into the stair-rail so hard that her knuckles were turning white. I had never seen Mama look so weak and vulnerable as she sobbed my name and shook her head. "I can't, Kira, I can't, I can't…" She kept chanting it over and over, like a prayer.

I shushed her and whispered the best words of comfort I could muster in the chaos. "They're coming, you have to do this. For the baby."

She shook her head at me, but I ignored her weak protests and pulled her down onto the grass. I shoved the wooden panel that covered the house's crawlspace out of my way and tugged Mama in behind me. Moving as quickly and as quietly as I could, I placed it back in place and sealed us in darkness.

Mama gripped me and I held her tight. Her sobs and sniffles were thunderous in the silence and I held her face against my chest, muffling her the best I could. Her hand gripped mine and every few seconds her fingers would squeeze mine so hard that I had to clamp my jaws shut so I couldn't make a sound. I rubbed her arm softly, my only way of conveying just how sorry I was.

Slams of footsteps began to pound through the house above us and through a small crack in the floorboards, I could see the outlines of large forms bumbling through our things.

"Only take what we can sell or use, leave the rest of the trash 'ere!" The voice was so familiar that it burned my gut. The raider… "If ya find anyone hiding, kill the men, take the women. Ya know the drill."

Mama tensed in my arms and I could feel her body convulse with the shocks of labor. The footsteps shook the wood above us and knocked dust down on our heads. Mama whimpered a little in pain and I suddenly felt a wetness begin pool around us. Her water…

I could feel her try to breath slowly but before she could calm her nerves, her body arched in contraction and I did everything I could besides knock her out to keep her quiet. I planted a firm hand over her mouth and nose and bent over her to try to keep her sounds from traveling.

"There ain't anything 'ere that'll sell!" A strange voice echoed above us. Through the crack I could see a flash of glass and Papa's picture of Kohona's Hokage Mountain.

"Keep looking then!" Was the reply.

The one above us grunted in irritation and slammed Papa's picture onto the ground without a care. He stomped off to argue with his leader and Mama writhed in my arms again. I could feel the wetness of her sweat and tears on my arm and I knew she was in the most pain than she had ever been in her entire life. I kissed her drenched forehead and rocked her a little. She had her knees pointed up and I could see in the cracks of light that her belly was heaving with silent pushes.

"We're wastin' our time here! They ain't got nothing worth takin'." The voice echoed from another room and sent waves of anger through me. How DARE they? Who gave them the right to do this? What kind of God let this happen! Hundreds of horrible thoughts raced through my mind and the only person I could blame was myself. If I had just stayed home with Mama… If I had only just made Kinta stay with me… a horrid part of me wished I had just gone with Yoshi and left Mama here…

"Stop bitchin' and come on!"

Thunderous footsteps got quieter and quieter and I could hear Mama whimper, "Kira…"

I was ripped back into reality and I hurriedly kicked the crawlspace door open and dragged my Mama out. The light from the day seeped through the treetops and I saw it, blood, everywhere. It oozed from between her legs and soaked her old yukata. Mama's face was as pale as Death and her eyes fluttered shut every few seconds.

In a panic, I did all but rip her yukata off. I pulled Mama's knees away with shaky hands to see, what I fully expected to be a small bloody corpse, but instead found a small head and a small shoulder peaking out from all that blood. I grabbed onto the small thing and wiggled my fingers under it's miniature armpit and pulled it out. Mama's body was stubborn and tried to hold onto to the tiny human, but I used all that was left of my strength to pull it out. The force of the pull sent me falling back and me and the tiny thing landed onto the grass.

The weight of the fall and iciness of the grass made the baby wail out. Mama's body twitched at the sound and I crawled over to her with the baby. Her eyes blinked slowly and the piercing green had dulled as she zoned in on the small mush of slimy flesh in my arms

My heart pounded in my ears and I couldn't look away from her, I could move. Everything inside of me seemed to shut down and all I could see was the blood. There was just too much. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't even acknowledge the touch of Mama's bloody hands when she reached out for me and grabbed at my arms for the baby. I didn't feel anything, I didn't see anything but Mama's green eyes peering up at me. I didn't hear the baby's piercing cry and slimy afterbirth coating my arms.

I could only feel the chill and all I could see was green and red, and, after that, **nothing**.

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A/N:

(1) ama-natto - It's a candied bean. I don't know, it sounded like something a pregnant woman would crave.

You have no idea how badly this chapter killed me. I have rewritten this bitch so many times it's not even funny, and I'm still not 100% happy with it. I apologize if the above scene insulted you in away, I know many people are really touch about the whole child-birth thing, but it had to happen, it's apart of the story. Don't worry, though, it thoroughly creeped me out as well and it makes me feel really weird knowing that I have the ability to write scenes like that.

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter and if you find any flaws, tell me. Grammar, writing, flow, description, characterization, anything. Just tell me. I'm not a mind reader.

**THANKS FOR READING!**

-DXE


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